i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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