Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
