i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
