dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
