just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
