did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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