remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
