Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh god it's open bar.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
