I didn't shave. On purpose
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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