I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
