He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
