you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
