So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
