Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
