remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
