69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So many bounce houses so little time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
