she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it hurts more in the daytime
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
