I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
