Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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