just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
