You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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