my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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