i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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