Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
