K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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