i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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