He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
