wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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