when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
