apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize