thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
