i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
