I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
