you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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