I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize