Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish i was in the wii world.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
