Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
