So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
