Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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