why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
