Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
