Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
