You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
