Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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