Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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