Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
