i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
