my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
