lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
