My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
