Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
