I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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