It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
