she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
