I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize