Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
