There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
