that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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