i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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