I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
