If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
