Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We are all done wearing pants today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize