I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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