I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
