you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
