youre lurking in front of me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
