Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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