You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
