I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
