I hate your face
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
