I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize