After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
what is it with giant penises always finding me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
