It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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