did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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