Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize