I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
