she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
