Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
