Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
