Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
