so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
