I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
