this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
